My Sunshine

At the moment I'm stumbling through the days.

I have a painted smile & chat with an air of frivolity.
But inside I'm screaming I'm crying I'm pleading.
To hold it together when all I really want to do is curl up in a ball
& let the world pass me by.
For every one to leave me the hell alone &
wallow in my own self pity.
My Sunshine Girl has been gone 6yrs & 11 months today.
The dreaded anniversary is coming.
The day I begged God to take me instead, the day I fell to my knees &
promised Him I would do anything He asked just leave my girl.
I'm a broken woman but In Brokeness we Shine, when looking in my direction
please wear sunnies.
Leading up to the anniversary, you know I hate that word it's supposed to be
about celebrating good things not the day my life as I knew it ended.
As I was saying the lead up is really hard & often the day itself isn't as hard as I expected.
In this next month I have a birthday as well.
I remember how hard she tried to make my day wonderful & showered me with gifts.
My girl loved candy, her favourite was Jolly Ranchers.
She loved photography, her animals, her family.
She was THE hardest worker, she was loving, kind, sensitive, stubborn, quick tempered when tired, vain, amazing & loved children.
She was my best friend & we adored each other.
I know she is Home with her Lord & Saviour if only that knowledge took this awful pain away.
Knowing that I'll be with her again is all that gets me through.

Gabs xxx