Just keep Swimming

I can't believe it's 2013 already.
I've been struggling a lot these last few months.
December January & February were BUSY BUSY BUSY with animal rescue work it's quietened down now & I've actually made a decision to step away from it.
Lots has happened one main thing is my struggle with keeping it together.
I've spent more time in bed than I care to reveal & getting out takes more energy & effort than I care or can make.
When my Dar mum first died I was relieved for her & for me.
I was worn out with not getting enough sleep & just emotionally drained.
Poor mum was miserable & it was awful to watch.
The first 6 months I just carried on, I slept relaxed & done all the things I wasn't ale to for so long. Now the grief of missing mum has hit me & it's hard.
Really you would think I knew how to walk this road but it appears grief can be different for different people.
I miss being someone's daughter
I miss my mum unconditional love
I miss knowing that someone loved me for me.
What's hard is I need to keep swimming keep trudging through life & pretend I like it.

Our circumstances have greatly changed this year & I HAVE to go back to work or we will starve, I personally could do with the shedding of 30 kilos but my wispy girls need to eat:)
But it appears in unemployable YEP being a SAHM for 29 yrs means nothing except to me & my Darlings.
I'm pissed really pissed at the way I'm viewed.
I'm smart clever well presented & a FREAKING hard worker but no one will even give me a chance.
Anyone onwards I go & I hope to regularly blog more, regularly I mean more than once every 6 months:)
Gab xxxxx

Hello:)

Hello Friends
Oh gosh i can't believe its been so long since i blogged.
not much has been happening in these parts.
My Sweet Girls are growing up SO fast, we visit no 2 son regularly now & that is good for him & us. We find the visits very hard its not a great place BUT i have to be Grateful for the chance to rebuild our relationship, i might not LIKE what my Darlings do BUT my love is unconditional. 
Id like to say he is doing well but it seems this boy of mine seems to keep following the wrong path.

On a brighter note the girls have had lots going on Ez graduated & of course i cried as i always do:) we are very proud of her.
Ez had her yr12 formal & looked stunning of course & in the same week Boo attended her boyfriends yr12 formal Boo looked so grown up iw anted to scream SLOW the hell down girls whats the rush. it seems they have grownup so quickly.

I'm feeling rather lost since mum died.
i don't miss her as the last year had been very hard for her & i, she was 92 it was her time. it was a very hard time with mums extended family & I'm so FREAKING glad its over done capiche.
Im now contemplating what ill do.
I HAVE to go back to full time employment & after being at home for the last 29yrs raising children I'm just a little ready. of course the problem is at my age my options are limited.
Apparently people tell me i have so much to offer, but go figure I'm still jobless.
i still volunteer in animal rescue & there are a lot of other volunteer things id LOOOOVE to pursue BUT apparently we need to eat.
I'll keep Praying & Trusting.

Boo & her boy

Ez & the boy

a large part of my heart is in this pic!

Ez her boy & a precious friend!

Gorgeous

Graduation lunch a girl & her Dada

My Darlings

YES they did it!

i love this pic!

Sorry for all the pics but I'm just a little proud of this lot:)
Have a wonderful day!
Gab xxx

Weary

I haven't wrote for over a month. I'm feeling very uninspired. My lack of computer knowledge & the absence of someone to show me is making me feel rather helpless/hopeless! Things around here have been rather stressful about a month ago my dear Mum had a fall she has been in a terrible amount of pain. We took her to hospital & it appears she has 2 fractures in her back, L2 & L5. She has been on pain medication & was making progress I was certain she would come home Monday. On Sunday she became unwell, in hospital & has gone done hill very fast. It appears she has a chest infection & a scan has shown a tumor in her lung, she will be 92 in 3 days. The Drs are trying to put a cannula in but her veins are all collapsing. I'm reeling. I think I do expect her to live forever. Mum has taken care of me since I was 10 months old. My drop kick parents were to busy doing whatever neglectful parents do. When mum took me I was malnourished & fragile. She adopted me when I was 6, she has never deserted me & always been there. My biological father I never met & my biological mother hates me, go figure it's apparently my fault SHE stuffed up. Anyway I'm just not not not ready to lose mum. I'm praying she pulls through. I'm selfish I know, she is ready to go BUT I'm NOT. Mum hold on please. Gab xxx

Happy Days

Life has been peaceful lately.
I have lots to be thankful for!
It was Mothers Day on Sunday & i REALLY had a lovely day.
My sweet girls were amazingly generous to me & i felt very spoilt.
it was a relaxing day & i thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hubby had a seminar & went off to that about lunch time & i sat in my comfy warm bed watching catch up abctv on my NEW iPad, my sorta day:)
On Saturday my eldest son came to visit with my grand daughter, Baby Girl.
Oh gosh she is a cutie & i was a rather happy Grandma. Every time she says 
'lub woo' my heart just melts.


My girls are studying hard Boo has exams this week & Ez is inundated with assessments. they are both working very hard.
Mum has a chest infection that we are keeping a close eye on & praying she doesn't need a hospital stay.


Im wishing i could get a job i could do from home.
There are lots of hours(some days) where mum is resting & I've nothing to do.
If only my computer skills were better. oh well thats life.


heres some pics of life at house place recently!

Have a wonderful day!
Gabs xxx

Melancholy

Today is my boys birthday.

'T' is my third child & today he is 22.

He was born on a friday 11:39pm to be exact. he nearly died in delivery & it was a horrific labour.

I was a divorced mum with two children & found myself pregnant.

It was a roller coaster of a pregnancy & tough going BUT at the end i was Blessed with this exquisite baby boy we all loved him so very much.

'T' was always on the go & i loved his energy & joy for life, lots of people found him hard work but we always looked for the positives. 

I married my awesome hubby when 'T' was 2 & he adored his dad.

When he was about 14 things started to change & nothing we did helped.

Then My Kate died & his downward spiral accelerated, Im not making excuses for his bad behaviour everyone has a choice.

In the end we as his parents had to take a stand, the girls were suffering & we tried every possible avenue to help him but NO-ONE cared, he didn't fall into they're criteria, arseholes!!!!!!!!

We haven't seen our precious boy for 3 years.

I know he is alive & relatively well BUT it breaks my heart that he is where he is.

I hope that somehow he has a good birthday.

I love you my sweet darling boy & i miss the person you were.

Happy Birthday.

Have a wonderful day

Gabs xxx

A new direction

Well it looks like my photo a day blogging has come to an end.
Im really sad about this.
My girls are in senior high school with a big workload.
They DID agree to letting me take their photo every day BUT the novelty wore off EVER so quickly.
Ive had 8 weeks of nearly constant vertigo & have struggled to keep up, oh & my camera died:( & there is NO chance of me replacing it.
I think i will take a new direction in blogging.
I mean after all I'm a intelligent woman who has lots to say(just ask my hubby)
I think when I'm able to afford it ill have to get someone to help me with fixing this blog up, I'm rather computer illiterate.
no idea about links & things!!!!!!
To the few that follow PLEASE stick around things are going to be quite different:)
Im sure you will enjoy whats in store.
Have a wonderful day!
Gabs

Mach 27

Lots has been happening here, I've been pain free since saturday & that in itself is really exciting I'm very Thankful.
My mum has had another small stroke but home & doing well.

Jelly decided to see if there was anything exciting on the table!!!!


Then i found a visitor in my room.
I decided to take some photos with the macro lens i bought for my iPhone, i was impressed with the pics i must say i was shaking:) 
When hubby came home he relocated Mr Spider to the tree out the front.

Have a wonderful day!
Gab xxx